The Ballad of Aidan Kelley
(to the tune of Tom Lehrer's "Alma")
By A. Nony Mouse
Originally published in Red Garters. Distribute freely.

I'll sing you a story of Aidan
Whose fame never went to his head
Though he's founded two groups of pagans
(Or so his biography said).
Aidan's publicity heralds
That he's given us something we lacked.
His book proves the Craft came from Gerald...
But only by trimming the facts!

(Chorus)
Aidan, tell us.
All other authors are jealous.
Now that we know how you work
It confirms that you're still just a jerk

Aidan's got lots of credentials
3 degrees each from college and craft.
Though most think it's self-referential
Inflation on Aidan's behalf.
But Aidan's a master magician
Whose magick does more than he brags:
By reversing a natural process,
His book changes pulp back to rags!

(Chorus)
Aidan, tell us:
What made you think you could sell us?
We'll make sure your book is renowned,
For we've Xeroxes left to go 'round!

The gist of what Aidan is saying
Is Gardner and others had fun:
They made it all up while arraying
More stories to hide what they'd done.
But Aidan's whole theory is spotty
It's clear there was naught to be hid.
The Bavarian Illuminati
Can do less than he claims Gardner did!

(Chorus)
Aidan, tell us:
Your reasoning sure does impel us
To ask if you paid your dues
Writing crap for the Weekly World News?

Despite all the caustic reactions,
Dear Aidan still hasn't a clue.
And if Volume One caused stupefaction,
Just wait 'till you see Volume Two!
The result of his book is no mystery
His identity's firmly defined.
Aidan's written his place into history:
A legend, but in his own mind!

(Chorus)
Aidan, tell us:
What made you think you could quell us?
The Craft's in the heart, not the head
And, though Aidan has scribbled, his logic is drivel
No matter what else he has said!

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* Origin: -= The Sacred Grove =- Seattle, Washington (206)634-1980 (84:4301/9)
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