[This is a real news story...]
From:
https://tinyurl.com/2rb2eatb (dailycaller.com)
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Man Gets Indecent Exposure Charge For Taking Gas Station's Name Too Literally
Alexander Pease Contributor
November 17, 2023 5:37 PM ET
An Iowa man was arrested Thursday for masturbating at an Iowa City Kum &
Go gas station.
The incident occurred a little after midnight in mid-March, though the
suspect, 54-year-old Kenneth Kelly, was only recently arrested, according
to 1630 KCJJ. At the time of the incident, Kelly made sexual comments to
multiple customers at the Kum & Go convenience store in addition to
pleasuring himself in front of them, the outlet reported.
Video surveillance footage from the store reportedly captured Kelly
engaging in onanism.
A local police officer then "canvassed the area" with images of Kelly,
prompting multiple people at nearby businesses and residences to identify
the masturbator, KCJJ reported. Witnesses from the March incident also
picked Kelly out of a photo lineup, the outlet noted, enabling police to
obtain a search warrant.
As soon as the officer approached and accosted Kelly at his apartment, the
man confirmed that he owned clothes resembling those seen in the
surveillance video but did not admit to pleasuring himself in the Kum &
Go, per KCJJ.
Officers then placed Kelly under arrest, at which point he claimed that he
had been itching his genitals, not spanking the proverbial monkey,
according to the outlet.
Kelly has been charged with indecent exposure and could serve up to a year
in jail if convicted, the outlet reported.
Kum & Go was founded in 1959 and operates over 390 locations across 13
states, according to the company website.
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