George,

#1: NO auto-posting (bots); this echo is for humans; if you can fully understand these rules, you are likely human.

I set up the Today In History program to post "Today's Blooper", but
they change out every day of the year. It's similar to data in the
various echoes that cover puns, Bible verses, weather history, QWK
Taglines, and random quotes.

#1: We only roast the ones we love

Never mind the joke about the Canadians in Hell....and this one location
in Michigan being warmer than the town of Hell...so "they're hotter than
Hell". :P

#1: The End (or is it?)

Only when looking at the back side of man or beast...although that is
a rather cheeky argument...and it has a crack in it. Never mind "assk
and you shall receive the butt of the joke". <G>

May the 4th be with you.
May the 5th be Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims

I'm always late...my ancestors arrived on the June Flower. <G>

Daryl

... Political Season: Does that mean we can shoot them??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
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Daryl Stout wrote to George Pope <=-

May the 5th be Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to commemorate the day.


... You have PMS and a Handgun? I'll go quietly.....
=== MultiMail/Linux v0.52
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* Origin: *The Gate BBS*Shelby, NC USA*thegateb.synchro.net* (1:3634/27)

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on
the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to commemorate the day.

I guess the jars weren't water tight. Or it was a choice between
may or naise??

Of all the mayonnaise I've had at restaurants, I like the type that
Burger King has on their sandwiches (I worked for them for 5 years over
40 years ago.

... You have PMS and a Handgun? I'll go quietly.....

I saw that on a T-shirt years ago. It had a picture of an ocelot on
it, and it looked like the critter had been sucking on sour persimmons.
It said "I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions??".

Daryl

... Life isn't Burger King; you can't always Have It Your Way
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
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Daryl Stout wrote to Dr. What <=-

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on
the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to commemorate the day.

I guess the jars weren't water tight. Or it was a choice between
may or naise??

Tim Thomserson used to do a skit where he talks about his childhood (in
sort of a hick accent)


"I growed up on a mayonnaise farm between Visalia and Bakersfield..."



... Omens are there to be broken.
--- MultiMail/Win v0.52
* Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech (1:218/700)

George,

#1: NO auto-posting (bots); this echo is for humans; if you can fully
understand these rules, you are likely human.

I set up the Today In History program to post "Today's Blooper", but
they change out every day of the year. It's similar to data in the
various echoes that cover puns, Bible verses, weather history, QWK
Taglines, and random quotes.

Yup, 'tis an auto-poster then. . . you could view the joke of the day & post it manually, when you like it, with an intro & unique subject line. . .

#1: We only roast the ones we love

Never mind the joke about the Canadians in Hell....and this one location
in Michigan being warmer than the town of Hell...so "they're hotter than Hell". :P

Someone in your country, was looking at a weather map & noted the summer temps above & below the 49th parallel as: 28, 32, 29, and 94, 96, 101 respectively and asked, "Wow what a temperature difference! Is that how they decided where to put the border?"

... Political Season: Does that mean we can shoot them??

Depends whom you ask. . . Seems reasonable to me. . .

Most of my group wanted to go mushroom hunting. I call them the morel majority.

Q: What is the sentencing when you get caught hunting illegally? A: Murder in the first deergree

Q: How do planets staying busy during hunting season? A: By shooting stars

Q: Why did the redneck bring a bazooka deer hunting? A: He wanted to get the biggest bang for his buck.

I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>
I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on
the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to
commemorate the day.

I guess the jars weren't water tight. Or it was a choice between
may or naise??

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

France already helped USA become a country, so then they decide to fight them instead of being an ally?

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

at McD's I have to ask for McChicken sauce instead of mayo to get Miracle Whip type spread; at A&W it's "Teen Sauce"; no idea if Burger King has a Miracle Whip option. . . I rarely go there anyway -- only when they have chicken nuggets 10/$2 (& these are not all-white meat like McD's ruined theirs); last time I bought 50 nuggets to bring home for the family to enjoy!

oops, funny. . .

Q: What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget? A: No harm because no fowl

Q: There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didnÆt get any nuggets?
A: Eight. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

Q: What's inside a chicken nugget?
A: Nug guts

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I
had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name
whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

I love the Miracle Whip commercials. This guy was talking to this woman
on the phone, as she was to come over for a visit. When he admitted "I'm
out of Miracle Whip"....<CLICK!>. <G>

at McD's I have to ask for McChicken sauce instead of mayo to get
Miracle Whip type spread; at A&W it's "Teen Sauce"; no idea if Burger King has a Miracle Whip option. . . I rarely go there anyway -- only
when they have chicken nuggets 10/$2 (& these are not all-white meat like McD's ruined theirs); last time I bought 50 nuggets to bring home for the family to enjoy!

I love the mayonnaise that Burger King uses, plus their burgers aren't
swimming in grease (they're flame broiled).

Q: What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget?
A: No harm because no fowl

He was all clucked up.

Q: There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didnÆt get any nuggets? A: Eight. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

Did you ever see Jeff Dunham's feud with Peanut, where Peanut could not
access their home wi-fi?? Search for "Jeff Dunham Peanut Password Panic"
on YouTube.

Q: What's inside a chicken nugget?
A: Nug guts

Appetite killer. :P

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.

Best thing to dip those in.

Daryl

... Drink Canada Dry. Maybe you can't, but it's fun trying.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I
had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

Tru dat!

Ridiculous!

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name
whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

I love the Miracle Whip commercials. This guy was talking to this woman
on the phone, as she was to come over for a visit. When he admitted "I'm
out of Miracle Whip"....<CLICK!>. <G>

Kraft is dong a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey, where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to America.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving
all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for
ketchup.

Best thing to dip those in.

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

Best dip I've found at McDs is Big Mac sauce (I started with Mozza sauce at A&W when I worked there, & got hooked on the unique & less sugary flavour combination); Mac sauce is close enough But they've recently come up with a habanero pepper dipping sauce that I like. . .

I don't do McD';s too often. Rarely I'll pop in & have a medium fry with a dish of McChicken sauce(Miracle Whip) & a giant cup (biggest they'll give me) of ice water. . . (gotta dilute all the crud they add in); I order unsalted, so the fries come out hot & fresh, & actually taste like fried potatoes, but there's still something going on, in that their fries don't rot.


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

Tru dat!

Ridiculous!

Like nymphomaniacs...never satisfied.

Kraft is doing a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl
has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally
brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey,
where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to
America.

LOL!! I was aware of Jif Peanut Butter, but not Kraft.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will
find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

I have to wonder who these idiots are who create most of the commercials nowadays.

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

Divorce is a vow tied with a slipknot. Folks who are wanting "a perfect marriage/relationship" in this life will never find it.

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

The BBQ sauce I ordered from Slim Chickens burned the dickens out of
my lips and tongue, and I wasn't a fan out of the other dipping sauces
that they had. I went through a half gallon of Kool-Aid to cool the
inferno. Tomatoes are good anti-oxidants, if I remember right.

That reminds me of the commercial with a weiner dog, saying "Oh, antioxidants are good for me!! I thought you said anti-dachsunds". <G>

And, I saw a meme with a man and a dachshund at a tavern bar...with
a martini of sorts next to them (I guess the dacshunds' was a weenie
martini with toilet water. <G>). The man said "Bond. James Bond"...
and the doxie replied "Hund. Dachs Hund". <G>

Best dip I've found at McDs is Big Mac sauce (I started with Mozza
sauce at A&W when I worked there, & got hooked on the unique & less
sugary flavour combination); Mac sauce is close enough But they've recently come up with a habanero pepper dipping sauce that I like. . .

I have to watch the tomato sauce, as it can set off my acid reflux.
Yet, I love Italian food...but I only care for Italian or American
cuisine. However, with cost, I only order out once a month. I can't
see or understand how my brother can afford to eat out every day.

I don't do McD';s too often. Rarely I'll pop in & have a medium fry
with a dish of McChicken sauce(Miracle Whip) & a giant cup (biggest they'll give me) of ice water. . . (gotta dilute all the crud they add in); I order unsalted, so the fries come out hot & fresh, & actually
taste like fried potatoes, but there's still something going on, in
that their fries don't rot.

IMO, McDonald's french fries are the best, compared to Burger King and Wendy's. For breakfast, I prefer the sausage egg McMuffin, with the hash browns...and the cheeseburgers for lunch.

Otherwise, I'll order from Burger King for the "Family Bundle" with
3 Whoppers, 3 cheeseburgers, and 3 french fries, for $20, via Grubhub.
Being a "Lyft Pink" member (paying $10 extra a month for Lyft), I get
free delivery for the Grubhub orders.

Lyft Pink gets me a 5% discount on rides, priority pickup, and if I
have to cancel a ride (the vehicle was a pickup truck or SUV with such
high ground clearance, that is as tall as my groin, and I can't step
into it), they pick up the $5 cancellation fee (3 times a month), and
if I book a new ride within 10 minutes, they give me $5 off of that.

Lately though, I just use Lyft to the Post Office Box twice a month,
and to Great Clips 4 times a year. For the medical appointments, my HMO provides transportation, with 4 business days advance notice.

With other bills, I may only do 6 months of the Post Office Box, or
let it go. Then, it's a PITA to notify all the businesses, etc. of
the address change...and I run the risk of folks stealing stuff out
of the mailbox...that's why I got the P.O. Box in the first place.

Daryl

... I was hospitalized so long, that I took a turn for the nurse.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.
Tru dat!
Ridiculous!

Like nymphomaniacs...never satisfied.

But nymphos serve a purpose in the cosmos. . .

Them's who need that(quick, easy sex), got access to it easily enough without having to resort to worse moral crimes. .

I don't judge; if asked, I tell the truth about where I stand on any moral issue & why I do. If not asked, not my business, as my mama & papa taught me some things are. . . (frustrated my childhood self to no end, because I was the "I Want to Know" kid -- I read the Encyclopedia Britannica & O.E.D.(abridged classroom edition) just for fun & lots of mini encyclopedias & the entire set of "I Want To Know About" kid's science encyclopedia set my mom bought me in an attempt to satiate my questing mind.

But as an adult, looking around at how the media &c don't get -- I realise, now, MYOB is an important concept for all to take to heart. What does Celeb X or Y look like nude? Unless they're presenting it to you, it's none o' your business, so stop hacking shit to see it!

So many TV shows, magazines, & websites devoted to digging into private business & making it public. . . sickening -- who damned CARES who is jumping who? If you're trying to date them, they'll tell you if they're otherwise occupied. If you're sitting at home eating cereal and baloney sandwiches, watching your programs, shut it down, Nosy Nora (or Ned)

Jeeze! So much perfectly good tv airtime blown to waste by this garbage! No wonder I can't find anything to watch 95% of the time I look!

Anything I say about celebs is generally made up and just an attempt to be funny. . .

Q: Who was the only celebrity with four body parts in his name? A: Tony Hancock

Q: Why are celebrities so cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What do you call a situation where two celebrities are fighting? A: Star Wars

Kraft is doing a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl
has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally
brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey,
where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut
butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to
America.

LOL!! I was aware of Jif Peanut Butter, but not Kraft.

Was it Jif? If people can pronounce GIF as Jif, I guess I can pronounce Jif as Kraft *LOL*

[Groan warning; this is bad, even for me!] Q: What do you get when you eat too much peanut butter? A: ReeseÆs feces

I would like to share you this joke about peanut butter but I wonÆt. Because you might spread it.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will
find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

I have to wonder who these idiots are who create most of the commercials nowadays.

I agree & these ads on my phone seem designed especially to aggravate me & make me associate the product with hate & anger. (stupid music that explodes out of my phone at top volume, when I had it down to 1); Way back I boycotted a brand of bottled iced tea because the ads annoyed me so much. I doubt I made any difference, but I had to do my bit. .

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

Divorce is a vow tied with a slipknot. Folks who are wanting "a perfect marriage/relationship" in this life will never find it.

It's all about being in love and making a mutual commitment (it's about the vows -- you make these solemn promises in front of friends, family of both, AND God, to show how serious you're being.)

I'm with that Jewish radio therapist who says divorce is acceptable only for the "3 As": Abuse, Abandonment, & Addiction. My argument in these cases is you are not breaking the marriage, you are merely acknowledging that the contract is broken already by the other, then getting on with your life.

Marriage between man & woman is not a true covenant in this world: it's just a contract held together by mutual commitment to vows. But if you aim higher, you achieve higher -- lots of young couples are today looking to understand covenantal marriage, & I hope they do understands it & it helps them hold together love for life.

My promise to my wife wasn't just to not leave & to not fool around, it was to do my part to keep us both satisfied with being married. Her, too. . . :)

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

The BBQ sauce I ordered from Slim Chickens burned the dickens out of
my lips and tongue, and I wasn't a fan out of the other dipping sauces
that they had. I went through a half gallon of Kool-Aid to cool the
inferno.

Kool-Aid is a bad response to hot peppers, as it's mainly water -- you want dairy -- ideal is buttermilk, followed drinkable yoghurt, then by whole milk, the milk of any kind.

Tomatoes are good anti-oxidants, if I remember right.

That reminds me of the commercial with a weiner dog, saying "Oh,
antioxidants are good for me!! I thought you said anti-dachsunds". <G>

That's a stretch, I think. . . It'd work if the Doxy was an Ox-dog Chimera (Ox- Dachshund, so anti-Ox-Dachshund)

And, I saw a meme with a man and a dachshund at a tavern bar...with
a martini of sorts next to them (I guess the dacshunds' was a weenie
martini with toilet water. <G>). The man said "Bond. James Bond"...
and the doxie replied "Hund. Dachs Hund". <G>

Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a Dachshund? A: He wanted to get a long little doggie

Q: You know whatÆs best about owning both a dachshund and a convertible? A: You can ride around topless with your wiener out.

The mother dachshund & her 11 pups were curled up on the electric blanket. I mentioned to my wife: Looks like we have a 12-pack of hot dogs on the bed.

cuisine. However, with cost, I only order out once a month. I can't
see or understand how my brother can afford to eat out every day.

Everybody prioritizes to suit themselves. I used to smoke so certainly ate a lot unhealthier with what little money that left me for groceries. . .

In that case I had unknowingly turned over my option to prioritize spending to the addiction, which was NOT on my side!

IMO, McDonald's french fries are the best, compared to Burger King and Wendy's. For breakfast, I prefer the sausage egg McMuffin, with the hash browns...and the cheeseburgers for lunch.

For breakfast, I used t get the egg McMuffin, no meat, substitute extra egg, & add slivered onion, leaf ;lettuce, & tomato - for a crunchy veggie egg sandwich
-- tasty & healthy.

Now I'm more going for the Chicken McGriddle, add an egg, add leaf lettuce, add tomato, & 2-3 hashed browns (then I love!)

I far prefer Tim Horton's for breakfast; I get: wrap containing:
2 eggs
2 cheese
chopped lettuce
half portion mint-cilantro sauce
hashed brown (McD style)

Nice & meaty & crunchy, two of my fast food breakfast food groups Then, to make it a combo, I get a double chocolate doughnut (chocolate ring doughnut with chocolate icing on top), & a mocha latte, extra shot or two of espresso,& there's my 4 food groups covered!

Lyft Pink gets me a 5% discount on rides, priority pickup, and if I
have to cancel a ride (the vehicle was a pickup truck or SUV with such
high ground clearance, that is as tall as my groin, and I can't step
into it), they pick up the $5 cancellation fee (3 times a month), and
if I book a new ride within 10 minutes, they give me $5 off of that.

Do you get both? The $5 dropped(thus the last ride's call-out never happened, plus another $5 off the new ride?) & then $5 off the next ride, or it just gets transferred over & you pay the minimum pickup fee for the first?

I really thought becoming a Lyft driver would be worthwhileà But I have nothing to chauffeur it.

Contactless Delivery: is that when the OB/GYN puts the mother-to-be at the end of the table, with a pillow below & tells her to push, while he tries to use telekinesis to help her?

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

Was it Jif? If people can pronounce GIF as Jif, I guess I can pronounce Jif as Kraft *LOL*

Actually, CompuServe created the GIF format...then things spun off from there.

[Groan warning; this is bad, even for me!] Q: What do you get when you
eat too much peanut butter? A: ReeseÆs feces

It's the same color. :P

I would like to share you this joke about peanut butter but I won't. Because you might spread it.

I haven't had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a long time. Several years ago, I was taking part in an amateur radio special event station at
the local National Weather Service. This husband and wife were doing the
high frequency (HF) bands, and I was working the VoIP mode of Echolink.
One ham had the callsign suffix of PBJ -- and he said it stood for "peanut butter and jelly". The wife of the couple team busted a gut laughing!! <G>

I rarely eat chocolate anymore for the caffeine, although I like the
dark chocolate cookies, similar to Oreos. When told to delete my cookies,
I ate another Oreo. When told to toss my cookies, I put them in a Ziploc.

I went to the urologist today, and saw a cute female nurse practitioner
who "worked the front and back". <G> I think of 2 memes along this line:

1) A guy is sitting on the exam table, with C-Clamps around his hips,
holding his butt cheeks together. The doctor notes "Patient is reluctant
to have his prostate checked".

2) A frail old man is on the table in the exam room, and the doctor
walks in, with his fingers swollen. He slammed his hand in the car
door before coming to work, and he apologized for being late to do the
prostate check. I think I want to reschedule. <G>

Way back I boycotted a brand of bottled iced tea because the ads
annoyed me so much. I doubt I made any difference, but I had to do my bit. .

I quit drinking tea, because 2 years ago, I was drinking a half gallon
of diet green tea citrus a day, as a diuretic. The problem was that the caffeine shot my heart rate up to 155, and put me in the hospital twice
in a month, with atrial flutter...which evolved into congestive heart
failure. I had successful cardiac ablation surgery last August...it got
rid of the erratic heart beat, I was taken off the heart rate medication
after the surgery, and as soon as I finished the Eliquis (blood thinner),
I was taken off of that.

The problem now is that I'm on Lasix to prevent fluid building up
around my heart and elsewhere...and (this may be TMI), the "you use
it or lose it" is valid. But, I'm not wanting implants, etc. -- never
mind "the little blue pill is expensive".

On that line, ventriloquist Jeff Dunham was asking Walter about his
"love life", and he asked "Ever thought about taking one of those little
blue pills??". Walter replied "Cyanide?? I do, actually". <G>

It's all about being in love and making a mutual commitment (it's about the vows -- you make these solemn promises in front of friends, family
of both, AND God, to show how serious you're being.)

I've given up on relationships...although it's a bear to go through all
of this suffering in so many ways alone. I don't get company, and except
for the messages on the BBS, my ham radio traffic nets, and updating the website for square dancing, I'm isolated...and if I lose the computer, internet, and cellphone, I'm cut off from the outside world.

Another problem is that many clinics will NOT let you use either public transportation, or even a medical transportation service, to their clinic
where you're undergoing a procedure requiring sedation (EGD (upper GI), colonoscopy, etc.). You have to have a driver that'll sit there and wait
for you. The thing is, if you have no family to speak of, and all of your friends work during the day and have family of their own...that leaves you without transportation...and you basically can't get the procedure done.

I'm with that Jewish radio therapist who says divorce is acceptable
only for the "3 As": Abuse, Abandonment, & Addiction. My argument in these cases is you are not breaking the marriage, you are merely acknowledging that the contract is broken already by the other, then getting on with your life.

The only Scriptural reasons for a Christian to seek divorce, are abuse, desertion, and infidelity.

Marriage between man & woman is not a true covenant in this world: it's just a contract held together by mutual commitment to vows. But if you aim higher, you achieve higher -- lots of young couples are today
looking to understand covenantal marriage, & I hope they do
understands it & it helps them hold together love for life.

There was a joke that in Old Testament times, if the wife burned the
toast, the man could get a writ of divorce.

My promise to my wife wasn't just to not leave & to not fool around, it was to do my part to keep us both satisfied with being married. Her,
too. . . :)

Janice and I had the trust and commitment with each other...so that even
if someone of the opposite sex gave us a hug or a kiss...while we'd razz
the daylights out of each other <G>, we knew which side the bread was
buttered on. Or as the country song noted "I've got all the love a man
could want, waiting for me at home".

Kool-Aid is a bad response to hot peppers, as it's mainly water -- you want dairy -- ideal is buttermilk, followed drinkable yoghurt, then by whole milk, the milk of any kind.

I haven't had dairy products in ages. The one thing with the Kool-Aid
that I mix up is that I haven't had a single kidney stone in 3 1/2 years.

Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a Dachshund? A: He wanted to get a long
little doggie

Or the classic commercial from Sprint cellphones. The guy had such
noisy phone lines with his current carrier...he ordered a hundred oxen;
he got sent a hundred dachshund. Weiner dog stampede!! <G>

Q: You know what's best about owning both a dachshund and a
convertible? A: You can ride around topless with your wiener out.

I saw a meme of this birthday card for a woman, noting "For your birthday,
I thought you'd like to see a good looking man, with a nice weiner".

There's a handsome man, with a good looking dachshund, who says "You
look wonderful today". <G>

Two other dachshund birthday cards...

1) Have a happy birthday...or I'll pee behind the sofa!! <G>

2) Go ahead. Squirt me with mustard. I deserve it. I forgot your birthday. :P

The mother dachshund & her 11 pups were curled up on the electric
blanket. I mentioned to my wife: Looks like we have a 12-pack of hot
dogs on the bed.

Yep.

Everybody prioritizes to suit themselves. I used to smoke so certainly
ate a lot unhealthier with what little money that left me for
groceries. . .

The only things I want smoking or steaming is the food on the plate...
such as sizzlin' fajitas at Applebee's. I mentioned this at my cardiologist recently, and this young black nurse grinned, and said "That's what I'M
talkin' about!!" <G>

For breakfast, I used t get the egg McMuffin, no meat, substitute extra egg, & add slivered onion, leaf ;lettuce, & tomato - for a crunchy
veggie egg sandwich -- tasty & healthy.

I saw where they were giving away french fries on July 13, National Fry
Day. I didn't even bother with it.

I far prefer Tim Horton's for breakfast; I get: wrap containing:

Is that a restaurant chain??

Do you get both? The $5 dropped(thus the last ride's call-out never happened, plus another $5 off the new ride?) & then $5 off the next
ride, or it just gets transferred over & you pay the minimum pickup fee for the first?

They pay the $5 cancellation fee, then take $5 off the new ride, if I
book it within 10 minutes. I've told them to NOT pair me with a driver
that has a high ground clearance (i.e. pickup trucks or tall SUV's).

I really thought becoming a Lyft driver would be worthwhile, But I have nothing to chauffeur it.

They are better than Uber, IMO.

Contactless Delivery: is that when the OB/GYN puts the mother-to-be at
the end of the table, with a pillow below & tells her to push, while
he tries to use telekinesis to help her?

Sounds like we gave birth to a new phenomenon. <G>

Daryl

... Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Naked.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

Was it Jif? If people can pronounce GIF as Jif, I guess I can pronounce
Jif as Kraft *LOL*

Actually, CompuServe created the GIF format...then things spun off from there.

I'm just going by normal English rules for an acronym (new word formed by initial letters like Graphic Interchange Format=GIF); gi is = ji-, so jif is the correct English pronunciation just like Linux shuls sound like Linus in whatever language you're saying it in -- in the original Norwegian, the creator, whose names was pronounced Leenis, pronounced it Leeniks.

So these self-styled tech geeks who pronounce it linniks are just plain wrong.

[Groan warning; this is bad, even for me!] Q: What do you get when you
eat too much peanut butter? A: Reese+s feces

It's the same color. :P

Close enough, unless you taste both, I'm sure. . .

I haven't had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a long time. Several

Same. I like to put crunchy peanut butter & strawberry preserves(like jam, but with big chunks of fruit in it) on a toasted bagel on occasion.

1) A guy is sitting on the exam table, with C-Clamps around his hips,
holding his butt cheeks together. The doctor notes "Patient is reluctant
to have his prostate checked".

Like the best birth control pill is an aspirin, held tightly between the knees!

2) A frail old man is on the table in the exam room, and the doctor
walks in, with his fingers swollen. He slammed his hand in the car
door before coming to work, and he apologized for being late to do the prostate check. I think I want to reschedule. <G>

No kidding!

colonoscopy, etc.). You have to have a driver that'll sit there and wait
for you. The thing is, if you have no family to speak of, and all of your friends work during the day and have family of their own...that leaves you without transportation...and you basically can't get the procedure done.

Contact a local seniors' centre & ask if they have any volunteers for medical drivers. That's what I did when I was single. . .

I'm with that Jewish radio therapist who says divorce is acceptable
only for the "3 As": Abuse, Abandonment, & Addiction. My argument in
these cases is you are not breaking the marriage, you are merely
acknowledging that the contract is broken already by the other, then
getting on with your life.

The only Scriptural reasons for a Christian to seek divorce, are abuse, desertion, and infidelity.

I see the Christian view as the married couple are like one body; if the one part is hurting the rest(physically or morally), cut it off.

There was a joke that in Old Testament times, if the wife burned the
toast, the man could get a writ of divorce.

Bad joke, as it never was that way -- God was careful to say no to divorce,Period!

The way I see it is if we give in to getting a divorce, God can divorce us for the same types of reasons, & that means you're suddenly on the outside, even if you've done everything right thus far to be in His good graces.

I haven't had dairy products in ages. The one thing with the Kool-Aid
that I mix up is that I haven't had a single kidney stone in 3 1/2 years.

Yup, Kool-Aid = sugar = crystals, which is what makes stones.

I learned to not drink those Emergen-C effervescing tablets, as they make a nice bubbly vitamin drink that tastes like OJ, but those effervescing components are minerals -- what makes stones? One summer, I was peeing out 5- 10 pea-sized stones a DAY!!! I quit the Vitamin-C drinks & was fine..

The only things I want smoking or steaming is the food on the plate...
such as sizzlin' fajitas at Applebee's. I mentioned this at my cardiologist recently, and this young black nurse grinned, and said "That's what I'M talkin' about!!" <G>

Yup, nothing but sizzling BBQ for me, too, now!

I saw where they were giving away french fries on July 13, National Fry
Day. I didn't even bother with it.

Same, nor July 11 (7/11) Free Slurpee Day. (you get a 7.11fl.oz. Slurpee cup's worth)

I far prefer Tim Horton's for breakfast; I get: wrap containing:

Is that a restaurant chain??

Yup, big Canadian one, started by the eponymous award winning NHL goalie. Now owned by Burger King Canada.

It's similar to your Dunkin' Donuts, I'm to understand.

... Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Naked.

Well, depends what she looks like & if she's driving me somewhere. . .

Organic Air Bag protection.

If she's bra-less you can test the AC, too. . .

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

Happy birthday Canada on the 1st of July!

Do you know how Canada got its name?

The three guys who discovered it put some letters in a bag and decided to
name the country after the letters they pulled out.

First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

Or the the alternate idea which was that Canada was empty when the first settlers arrived (or so they thought). So it was named: Can = container, nada = nothing. Empty container. Sort of like a Doug and Bob Mackenzie show.


... You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.52

--- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A49 2023/04/30 (Windows/64)
* Origin: JoesBBS.Com, Telnet:23 SSH:22 HTTP:80 (1:342/201)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

Happy birthday Canada on the 1st of July!

Do you know how Canada got its name?
The three guys who discovered it put some letters in a bag and decided to name the country after the letters they pulled out.
First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

That's how I've been telling it; good to have corroboration, or you've just caught it roundabout from one of my older posting of it here or in other humour areas. . .

Or the the alternate idea which was that Canada was empty when the first
settlers arrived (or so they thought). So it was named: Can = container, nada
= nothing. Empty container. Sort of like a Doug and Bob Mackenzie show.

Oh, Bob & Doug-- I doo recall them, of course -- f*cking Americans thinking they have a clue about my country when most don't know spit about their own!

The real answer, of course, is "Kanata" was the Huron word for "village."

Early explorers asked them, "What do you call this place?" & that's the honest answer they received. Now there is a Kanata in most provinces, I believe. Some are bigger than villages (towns or even cities)

We use the term for some of our international sports teams, like in Olympic Curling we have Team Canada, but for the Paralympic Curling, it's Team Adanac(read it backwards); I think some other sports use "Team Kanata" but I'm not much for following sports, unless they involve sexy women doing beautifully presented activities (Figure Skating, Rhythmic Gymnastics come to mind first.)

... You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.

Oh, I'm always taking dinner, whether or not it's what was originally presented to me.

I had an older friend (is that possible? Yup) who, if a waitress asked if he liked his meal, would respond, "It's not flipped onto the floor is it?"

One time he was asked how he liked his meal & he, where he was a regular, answered, "It's at our usual standards."; goes to pay & finds out that his meal was comped to him, in full! Bonus: steak & trimmings for $0.00!

& we have a topic for ObPuns:

I was trying to give away a bunch of those little bugs that make honey. But nobody wanted my freebies.

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. ôThatÆs one too many!ö says the customer. The clerk replies ôItÆs a freebieö

Welp, I guess that's as far as that one can go. . . Enjoy your day/week/month/season/any damned thing you want to! (if they're all consenting adults, of course!)

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to Dr. What <=-

First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

That's how I've been telling it; good to have corroboration, or you've just caught it roundabout from one of my older posting of it here or
in other humour areas. . .

Doubt it. I heard that joke 30+ years ago.

Oh, Bob & Doug-- I doo recall them, of course -- f*cking Americans thinking they have a clue about my country when most don't know spit about their own!

But Doug and Bob were about Canada (sort of). The story is that Canada required every show to have XX minutes of "Canadian content". So SCTV came up with Doug and Bob McKenzie as a response to that.

The real answer, of course, is "Kanata" was the Huron word for
"village."

Early explorers asked them, "What do you call this place?" & that's the honest answer they received. Now there is a Kanata in most provinces,
I believe. Some are bigger than villages (towns or even cities)

Sounds like a dad joke about the Michigan towns of Naubinway (knob-in-way) and Newaygo (new-way-go).

I had an older friend (is that possible? Yup)

My grandparents once introduced me to an 80-year-old named "junior". I asked if that was his real name. They said "No, but he lives with his dad, so everyone just calls him 'junior'."


... If I save time, when do I get it back ?
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.52

--- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A49 2023/04/30 (Windows/64)
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