Was listening to a mnix of album cuts of '70s music & '50 & '69s Comedy, & Henny Youngman came on (such a delight, the "King of One-Liners" is!)

He covered a bunch in a theme (see below; you'll figure it out) & that made me think of still others I've heard over the years. . .

Add in any you think of that aren't in this bunch, please?

& let me know how you're feeling, as you scroll down, & at what point you cracked out LOLing.

I've heard all these before, so I'm too blasé to do more than expel a little extra air outen the side of my mouth & out my nares.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - H.Youngman
-=-
"Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man who wants an appointment; what should I tell him?"

Tell him I can't see him today.
-=-
"Doctor, Doctor; it hurts when I go like this"
Stop doing that.
-=-
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. --H.Youngman
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"Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell?"

Go home and take these and if you're not better soon, give me a ring.
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards."
I'll deal with you in a minute!
-=-
"Doctor doctor! I think I'm at death's door!"
Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of wigwams!"
Ah yes, the issue is you've become too tense.
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake."
Next time take the candles off!
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I've got broccoli stuck in my ear!"
Looks like you're not eating properly.
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"Doctor, doctor! Help me - I'm getting shorter and shorter!"
You'll just have to be a little patient!
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"Doctor, doctor! Every time I drink hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in my eye."
Try taking the spoon out first.
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains."
Oh, pull yourself together!
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I've lost my memory."
When did this happen?
"When did what happen?"
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"Doctor, doctor! People keep ignoring me."
Next please! [booo, yes, i agree]
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I keep hearing ringing in my ears."
Whatever you do, don't answer it! --H.Youngman
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"Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing insects spinning around me!"
Oh yes, there's a bug going around.
-=-
"Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a moth."
You don't need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist!
"I know, but when I was walking past your office I saw your light was on..." -=-
"Doctor, doctor! You have to help me out..."
Of course. Which way did you come in?
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"Doctor, doctor! They've taken me off the cricket team, they all call me butterfingers."
Don't worry, what you have isn't catching.
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"Doctor, doctor! I've broken my arm in two places."
Don't go to those places then. --H.Youngman
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"Doctor, doctor! I've only got 59 seconds to live!"
Just hang on a minute, will you?
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"Doctor, doctor! I have a strawberry stuck in my ear."
Don't worry, I've got cream for that!
-=-

& another guy. . . what can I say? He's got a busy practice, Dr. Biddyboombah does.

"Doctor, doctor! Will this ointment get rid of these spots?"
Now, now, let's not make any rash decisions here.
-=-
"Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?"
He's all right now.
-=-
"Doctor doctor, my spouse is deathly ill, is there any hope?
it depends what you are hoping for
-=-
"Doctor, doctor IÆm addicted to brake fluid"
Nonsense man, you can stop any time
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"Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me."
why not?
"Well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine"
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"Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
Pull yourselves together man.
-=-
"Doctor doctor, I've got acute appendicitis."
You've got a pretty little dimple too
-=-
"Doctor, doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake."
Sleep in another room then!
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"Doctor, doctor, can I have second opinion?"
Of course, come back tomorrow!
-=-

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)